search for the magical plate of bacon
by crazytrollincage
Summary: this is a stupid story about hagrids struggle to find his............bacon
1. wheres my bacon

Disclaimer: I don't own harry potter or any of the characters from the book because if I did I would be rolling in cash right now which I am not.  
  
Authors note: this is a really stupid and pointless story about nothing, if you find it funny you have a weird sense of humour just like me.  
  
Hagrid runs into room  
  
Hagrid: HARRY WAKE UP!!  
  
Harry : WHAT??  
  
Hagrid: somebody stole my stash of pot!!  
  
Harry: HUH??  
  
Hagrid : I mean my magical.............plate of.............bacon.  
  
Harry: Who stole it?  
  
Hagrid: I don't know will you help me find it?  
  
Harry:ok  
  
Hagrid and harry leave room they run into Hermione and Ron in the hallway  
  
Hagrid: RON, DID YOU TAKE MY POT YOU LITTLE SHITHEAD??  
  
Ron pees his pants  
  
Hagrid: I mean have you seen my magical plate of bacon?  
  
Ron...............no sir  
  
Hermione: were was the last place you saw it?  
  
Hagrid: I keep it in my beard someone must have stolen it when I passed out, I mean when I went for a nap.  
  
Hermione: well we will help you find it right Ron?  
  
Ron; yes mother  
  
Hermione: how many times do I have to tell you Ron im not your mother.  
  
Ron: sorry mother  
  
Hermione: whatever, lets just go.  
  
Ron holds Harrys hand  
  
they come across draco who's casting a spell  
  
Draco: penoris biggoris  
  
Hagrid gives draco a funny look  
  
Harry : What's the spell for draco?  
  
Draco: ummmm none of your business! What do want?  
  
Harry: did you take Hagrids magical plate of bacon?  
  
Draco: Why would I want a magical plate of bacon?  
  
Hagrid: so you can smoke it.............and have smoked bacon for breakfast.  
  
Draco: I don't eat bacon it's to fatty and im on a diet, now if you excuse me I must go do a spell to bleach my hair.  
  
Everyone goes outside  
  
Hermione: oh look a spixy!  
  
(Pixy on speed = spixy)  
  
spixy runs into a cave  
  
Harry: lets follow it!  
  
Ron: no lets not  
  
They follow spixy into cave  
  
Spixy: ILL KILL YOU ALL!!  
  
Ron runs away like a little sissy and then jumps into lake.................then pees his pants.  
  
Hagrid: that dude has issues.  
  
Hermione: hello there little guy have you seen a plate of bacon?  
  
Spixy: FUCK YOU BITCH!!!  
  
Pulls on a lever and a net drops down on top of harry, Hermione and Hagrid.  
  
to be continued...................   
  
Well that was my fanfic hope you enjoyed it 


	2. heres my bacon

Disclaimer: I dont own any charater from any of the harry potter books  
  
Authors note : try and give me lots of good reviews because there so much better than bad reviews.   
  
Harry Hermione and Hagrid are trapped under a net  
  
the spixy picks up a can of gasoline and a box of matches  
  
spixy: BURN BURN BURN SEE YOU ALL IN HELL  
  
spixy starts to throw gasoline every were  
  
Hermione: oh no im gonna die, now Ill never graduate from school  
  
Hagrid: Ill never find my pot I mean bacon  
  
Harry: and Ill never grow facial hair:(  
  
Hagrid trust me its not all that great the only good thing about it is you can use it to hide your stash of.......bacon.  
  
Hagrid: Kids, cant you do a spell or something.  
  
Harry: sorry Hagrid we cant really do spells, you must have us confused with the special effects you see in movies.   
  
Outside Ron is in the lake and just realised that he is extremely afraid of water so he jumps out of the lake and runs back into the cave.  
  
Harry: RON, HELP ME and Hermione and Hagrid as well I guess.  
  
Ron starts to eat the net   
  
Hermione: RON, how are you able to eat the net   
  
Ron: its made of cheese, oh wait im scared of cheese AHHHHHH!!!  
  
Ron faints   
  
Hagrid, Hermione and harry start to eat a big hole in the cheese net  
  
Hermione: YUK!! It tastes like gasoline  
  
Ron: mmmmmm gasoline tasty  
  
Harry: hey I thought you fainted  
  
Ron: oh yeah  
  
Ron faints again   
  
spixy lights a match and throws it into gasoline  
  
Hagrid: HURRY!!  
  
Everyone runs outside, Hagrid grabs Rons hair and drags him out side.  
  
The spixy is still inside the cave  
  
Spixy: hey were did everyone go, I just wanted a friend.  
  
The cave burns down  
  
Hagrid: well that was a complete waste of time  
  
Hermione: and we still didn't find you magical plate of bacon Hagrid.  
  
Harry pulls out bag of pot  
  
Harry: hahaha it was me all along I fooled you all   
  
Hagrid: actually i suspected that it was you but I didnt say anything, I didn't want to embarrass you in front of your girlfriend.  
  
Harry: Hermione is not my girlfriend.  
  
Hagrid: not Hermione that broomstick you always carry around .  
  
Harry: hey shut up.  
  
Harry rolls up a joint  
  
Hagrid: THATS MINE GIVE IT BACK.  
  
Harry: NO  
  
Harry and Hagrid get into a fight, Harry drops bag of pot  
  
Ron wakes up and takes bag of pot  
  
Ron: Hey hermione wanna go smoke this   
  
Hermione: sure  
  
and they all live happily every after   
  
well not really   
  
Ron an Hermione get so high they jump off a cliff, Hagrid gets hospitalised because harry kicks his ass but is now good friends with the spixy who is being treated for 3rd degree burns, Dracos bleaching spell gose wrong and ends up as pale as Michael Jackson and as for harry is now concentrating on his long term relationship with hie girlfriend/broomstick  
  
the end 


End file.
